Doggerland Hunt: Pooping & Peeing in the Paleolithic

    Our neighbors to the west, Joel's tribe, which would go on to corner the auroch hunting market

So when my friend Keith said he wanted to run a Stone Age miniatures game using a rules set called Doggerland Hunt, it actually took me awhile to figure out which rules he meant. In the space of two years, three games came out with "Doggerland" in the title. One is a board game simply called Doggerland. Another is a weird World War I game, A War Transformed: WW I on the Doggerland Front. Finally, there is the one he was referring to, Doggerland Hunt: Rules for Stone Age Miniature Gaming. What's the fuss about with Doggerland? Apparently it is was a landmass between Britain and Europe before the glaciers melted and the seas flooded it, creating the North Sea. Or something like that!

    Keith, center, set up another Prehistoric game for us using 'Doggerland Hunt' rules

Anyway, Keith's Prehistoric games are fun, so it sounded good to me. We had six of us present that Sunday evening. Instead of each of us having our own human (or proto-human?) tribe, he said the rules recommended two people play the predators. In this case, it was a trio of wolves that Keith controlled and saber-tooths that Mike S commanded. Allen, Joel, Mike W, and myself controlled our own little band of six cavemen, except we lived in little huts. Not caves. No Stone Age women were on the table, so maybe they were back at the camp doing cave woman (or hut woman) things. 

    My tribe of stone age hunters discover fishing is much more productive than picking fruits or nuts

Keith explained that the game had a very board game feel. It was played on a hex grid, and the winner among the humans would be the tribe that secured the most units of food. We could gather (picking fruit or nuts), fish in the ponds, or hunt any of the animals wandering the table. They ranged in size from Aurochs, that were the smallest (!), through rhinos, and mammoths. There were also some omnivores like bears and angry giant boars, who might charge us if we got too close. We could make our hunting more efficient by creating weapons (flint napping) back at our encampment. All four of us chose to do that with a varying number of our six figures on turn one. 

    Meanwhile, the Predators (Mike S & Keith, standing) are busy pooping & peeing to claim areas

I left two guys back in camp to create weapons, then sent the other four off to pick fruit from the orchard not far from us. As guys returned with food, they'd take a turn flint napping, while those creating weapons rotated out. We did this until eventually we had five of our six guys with sharp pointy weapons. What were the predators doing while we were gathering? Well, in probably one of the most interesting (?) or different (?) game mechanics I've seen in my decades of gaming, they were busy pooping and peeing! Yep!! The game had rules for the predators controlling territory by marking it with their poop or pee. They could pee every turn (I'm not making this up), but could poop only after eating a fresh kill. Peeing controlled only one hex for the predators (thankfully, humans did not have to poop or pee to earn victory points). However, pooping controlled an area up to two hexes away in a circle from that apparently very smelly scat. I think Phoebe from the old Friends TV show should write a song about that, "Smelly scat..."

    Our neighbors to the east (Allen's tribe) suggested we hunt mammoths instead for even more food

My clan or tribe -- whatever us six guys called ourselves (one too many for a bowling team) -- switched to fishing after realizing we got twice as many food dice from that. When a guy returned to camp carrying up to two units of nuts (Yep, my guys were walking around with two nuts), we rolled one die per unit. However, when we returned with two units of fish, we rolled two dice per unit. Heck with fruits and nuts! We're not the Vegan tribe or anything! Then, my neighboring tribe (Allen) suggested we go hunt mammoths together. By this time, we were bristling with our flint armory and felt full of manly, Stone Age confidence. 

    We join forces with Allen's Skinny Tribe and pounce on one of the mammoths together

So, we checked the rules carefully, noting that if we got within two hexes of the mammoths, they'd simply run away. So, we stayed three back, then pounced, charging in our allowed movement distance of two hexes and attacking them in the adjacent hex. Keith assured us that was legal. A typical Stone Age dude rolls 1d6, needing a "6" to cause a wound. However, if he has sharp flinty weapons, he rolls 2d6. If he declares he is in "Fight mode," that goes up to 3d6 per guy.  Allen and I were planning on ganging up on the same mammoth when we pounced. Our little Stone Age jaws dropped wide open when the other one turned around, moved back, and charged alongside his brethren. We panicked and each of us attacked a different beastie. I inflicted two hits, but the first only makes it flee, so I did only one of the 9 or 10 wounds the mammoth could each take. Allen had only one hit ,so just made his flee. They had also attacked us and for each hit they inflicted, one of our brave hunters would soil his furry little shorts and flee, as well. So, I guess we were doing a little pooping, too!

    Much to our dismay, the 2nd mammoth comes back and charges in to aid his buddy - Holy Poop!

Allen and I, being the more intelligent type of cavemen, reformed our clans, and added in reinforcements telling the other members of our tribe to give up fishing and nutting and line up for our would-be barbecue. Our larger mass of odoriferous, hairy men sneaked up on the same pair of mammoths. They naturally didn't smell us coming because, by now, the board was full of steaming piles of tiger and wolf scat. Once again, we pounced! I have never been a fan of games where you hit only on sixes on d6. I rolled 17 dice and scored maybe one or two hits. Allen rolled 18 dice and scored none! The mammoths ran away again, but not before making more of our group poop their furry shorts and flee. Again.

    We inflict only a fraction of the hits needed to kill a mammoth & can only watch as dinner runs away

After that, I decided to give up this new-fangled hunting thing and go back to fishing. Nothing fights back in the pond, or at least nothing we discovered. Meanwhile, we heard about the hunting "hack" discovered by the Very Skinny Tribe (Mike W). Compared to my hulking brutes, Allen was the Skinny Tribe, but even he was beefier than Mike's boys. They discovered that Rhinos are the perfect beast to hunt. Why? They bounce back after they run away. What?? Like bears and boars, they're angry types that will charge you if you're too close. Even if you make them flee with your first hit, they come right back for more the next turn. So, the Very Skinny Clan killed the first big game animal (not counting the aurochs Joel was killing). They butchered it, took it back to their camp, and became the Not As Skinny As Before tribe.

    Mike W's Very Skinny Tribe figures out rhinos are better to hunt because they come back & fight you

Why didn't Joel's aurochs count? Well, when butchered, they provided only ONE unit of meat (which still gives 3d6 worth of food, though). The rhinos and mammoths give a lot more -- I may be wrong, but I think it was 10 units of food. Doing primitive caveman math, were a tribe to kill one of those hairy elephants, they would end up with 30d6 rolls. Winner, winner chicken dinner! Er, mammoth dinner!! So, when we called it an evening, Mike W's Not As Skinny As Before tribe won (their bellies full of succulent rhino meat) and Joel's "We Cornered the Auroch Market Tribe" came in second. Allen and I went home with rumbling bellies, having to be content with a basket of blue gills.

    After two fruitless attempts to kill a mammoth, my tribe says 'So long!' to hunting & return to fishing

Late in the game, we also discovered that if you want to go in Fight mode you can move only one hex. I pointed out that made it impossible to even catch a mammoth. He (or she) will always keep moving away from you two hexes. Keith said he thought we were supposed to hem them in or corner them. I'm not sure with a two hex move if that is really feasible. And do we want individual hunters running around in a screen with two packs of hungry predators out there? I mean, the only way they can win the Great Predator Poop Race is to...well, poop! And the only way to have enough poop inside is to eat things, and we're not talking nuts and fruits!

    Our tribe has a post-hunt debriefing where we discuss plans & get out our manly frustrations

The game felt very much like it had not been play tested thoroughly to me. At times, the text of the rules contradicted the Quick Reference Chart. There was also the inability to catch prey, or at least catch them and be in Fight mode. The suggestion that players take on the role of the predators and spend the game moving around the table pooping and peeing seemed odd, too. Did the author's players really find that fun? Mike S (Team Saber-tooth) was being efficient in his trying to win, but it sure didn't look like he was having a lot of fun. He automatically killed Aurochs (no dice rolling necessary), and wasn't allowed to attack the bigger prey. Keith wasn't as focused on efficient spreading of his manure, but was getting his jollies out of trying to push the angry omnivores towards us. He fell far behind in his mission of stinking up Doggerland, though, and lost the Great Predator Poop Race.

We have done a number of stone age hunting games through the years, and usually have fun with them. As Keith mentioned early on, this one was more like a boardgame. Too much like a boardgame, I felt. We may as well have had meeples on the table rather than Keith's stone age hunters. And the predators could have little brown and yellow tokens to control the board. Keith is going to re-read the rules and see what we got wrong, though. So, maybe there will be a sequel to this game. Doggerland Hunt II: the Really Big Dump??

MINIATURES Acquired vs. Painted Tally for 2025

• Miniatures acquired in 2025: 306
  
• Miniatures painted in 2025: 269

TERRAIN Acquired vs. Painted Tally for 2025

• Terrain acquired in 2025: 62
  
• Terrain painted in 2025: 67

SCATTER Acquired vs. Painted Tally for 2025

• Scatter acquired in 2025: 144
  
• Scatter painted in 2025: 212