Lead Legionaries: What A Tanker -- a WW II Game in Canada??

Saturday, August 16, 2025

What A Tanker -- a WW II Game in Canada??

Allen rolls the dice, literally &figuratively, with his advance along a road up the center of the board

Those who know me are well aware that I do NOT like the classic tank game. I can think of little more tedious in miniatures than a game full of looking up armor penetration charts and arguing about whether a shot is hitting front or side armor. However, What A Tanker, by Too Fat Lardies, is a pleasant diversion from such chart-based, uber-detailed gaming. I actually enjoy the game, and it is probably the WW II game our Sunday Evening group has played the most over the years -- especially recently!

My Lee tank, right, lines up a shot from the cover of the woods at Keith's Canadian Valentine

The GM is almost always Keith. Though he enjoys the minutiae of discussing differences between the various Panzer IV versions -- the type of thing makes my eyes glaze over instantly -- Keith likes these rules, too. He embraces the simplicity of What A Tanker and can be depended upon to set up an entertaining scenario using these abstracted, detail-light rules. This scenario was no different. It was firmly in the "What if?" realm, and featured a 1940s American invasion of Canada in response to a Fascist coup taking over that country. Allen, Mike S, Andy, and myself were the American invaders, while Joel, Tom, Mike W, and Keith were the Canadian defenders. Each of us controlled one tank, but would receive a replacement if ours was blown up (at the cost of surrendering a victory point). The defending Canadians were bolstered by several hidden anti-tank guns, which Andy argued probably made victory unrealistic for us.

Allen's first tank rolls merrily up the road, while Mike W's (with the inexplicable bottle cap) awaits

Our chances of winning weren't improved by my friend Allen's "Hey, diddle-diddle, let's drive up the middle tactics" with both of tanks. His first was destroyed early on by a combination of shooting from Mike W's tank and one of the anti-tank guns controlled by Tom. His second was well on its way to suffering the same fate on the same approach up the road going through the center of the board. Andy went on a sweeping move on the right flank, but was outfoxed by Tom, whose tank darted from cover, got a side shot, and blew him up. Mike S sent his tank through the woods to blow up the ammunition trucks parked in the courtyard in town. He wasn't going to be bothered stalking enemy tanks if he could rack up some easy victory points for us!

Joel's tank, left, enters the courtyard to rescue the ammunition trucks from Mike S's predation

Meanwhile, I decided to pretend my tank commander actually wanted to live, and would maximize his chances of not being blow up while taking shots at the enemy. Every move of mine ended up in cover that either made it difficult to spot my tank or harder to hit. It paid off almost immediately when my first shot across the board put two hits on Keith's Valentine tank. Sensibly, Keith darted out of my line of sight to reinforce the center. I switched to stalking Tom's tank, who was dueling in a game of position with Andy. There was one turn when I didn't move at all because my tank would have ended up out in the open, unprotected by any line of sight restrictions or terrain. Cowardly? Perhaps, but my tank not only inflicted big hits on two different enemy by the end of the game, it did not take any damage.

That Tom -- he's a wily one! His tank blows up Andy's tank with a side shot near the railroad tracks

Meanwhile, our side finally scored a kill when Joel's tank turned into the courtyard to rescue the ammunition trucks. His shots at Mike S's Lee tank all went wide, while Mike's return fire did not. After 2-3 turns firing, Joel's crew bailed from their disabled tank. Still, at the end of the game, we had lost two and they lost only one. Both Allen's second tank and Mike S's tank were badly damaged. We called it a Canadian victory -- another in a long, historical tradition of failed American invasions dating back to even before 1776. I agree with Andy that the odds were stacked against us, with the Canadians defending their turf and having three anti-tank guns. Still, it was fun -- we laughed and had a good time.

One of my Lee tank's positions utilizing cover -- "never give the enemy an open shot" was my motto!

If you haven't played What A Tanker, and you're not a control freak who doesn't like a game where you can't necessarily do what you want to with your forces because of bad dice rolls, you might want to give it a try. It is certainly more light-hearted and more of a "game" than a simulation. And in my book, that's a good thing!!